my nine went camping this weekend...
with cubs...
in cabins...
a 45 minute drive away...
for two nights...

i cried last night
not because i was worried about him
{well...a little}
but because,
i can't help feeling like a chapter in my life
is closing,
is ending,
is changing,
and i can't do anything to stop it
{not that i want to stop it}
but i just keep getting these little glimpses
of my little boy who is now a
big boy...

walking to school on his own,
giving me a quick kiss on the cheek,
mp3 player on,
and out the door.

and i stand proud and brokenhearted
in the kitchen...
wondering where the time went.

dropping him off at camp...
can't leave right away,
not because he needs me
but because i need to make sure
that everything is ok...
is going to be ok...

this is hard,
this letting go.

especially of the one that held on so tight.

13 was always pretty independent
and knew her own mind...it was set...
but 9...9 wanted cuddles no matter who was around,
he wanted reassurance, he looked for me
at the door the first day of school,
he made me stay at birthday parties with him...

and now...now i can go...
but it's hard to go.

it's hard to let go.