bullets of tuesdays truths...

• i want to build a fairy garden...i desperately want a doll house...and a blythe doll...and a coloring book...{am i reverting in age?  is this my mid-life crisis}
  oh...who am i kidding...i have always wanted these things.
• today i am crampy, cranky and somewhat overwhelmed...not a pretty picture, is it?
• i think i have seen the bulk of judge judy's.  i am only getting re-runs now.  sad.
• but i would like to watch all of Modern Family and The Middle now from start to finish.
• i need a new book to read...any suggestions?

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• i have to stop eating cinnamon rolls.
• i tried Pepsi Next today.  I didn't love it.  I didn't hate it.
• my boy had to go to court today as a witness in a drunk driving case...
  i was proud of him,
  like mama-bear-fiercely-proud of him.
  
  If you know me at all, you will know that drunk driving
  hurts my heart a little (actually, a hell of a lot) even after all these years.
  and as my boy sat there being questioned,
  i was on the edge of my seat with concern, with pride, with surprise
  that this boy, this young man, is mine...came from me & his dad...
  where has the time gone?
  
  and at the same time, a little piece of my heart was
  playing an old movie in bits and broken pieces...
  a reel of tape of another boy on that same stand
  and how i sat on the edge of my seat then in
  frustration and grief and disbelief that this had happened to us,
  that a walk down the road had ended up in this...
  empty gaping loss and seething furious anger and
  the paralyzing knowledge that there was nothing you could do
  to change it, to make it better for him, to bring them back,
  the bitter realization that you can't change time
  no matter how desperately hard you try.
  
  this was totally not what i came here to say,
  but sometimes, tuesday truth does that to me.

leavin' on a jet plane...

when my girl was little,
she used to cry when that song would play.

yesterday,
i cried in the airport parking lot...
not even cried...i sobbed...
loudly
and somewhat out of control
after dropping my girl off at our tiny little island airport
so she could board a big plane
and fly off to toronto.

alone.
by herself.
first time big adventure.
for two whole weeks.

when it was time to say goodbye
i couldn't speak.
my throat closed over, if i tried to talk
it would have come out as a howl of
please don't go...just stay here...we can have fun...
i'll buy you ice cream!

but i knew that she had to go...
i knew that she was ready, i knew that i was over reacting
i knew that people go on vacations every day,
they take train, planes and automobiles.
they have fun, they learn about new places,
they learn about themselves.

they come back.
they come back.

she'll come back.

but my heart still hurts.
being a parent is hard.

a month of poems...

April is National Poetry Month.

i love words.  i don't think that comes as a surprise to anyone who knows me.
i love to read, i love to write.
i love to scribble and doodle and play with words.
my house is filled with journals and notebooks and scribblers
words written on napkins and folded into pockets,
notes on post its, index cards left on the fridge...
lists and song lyrics, parts of a phrase i don't want to forget...

so April makes me happy.

and not just because it brings spring...or at least, we hope it will...
but April is also national poetry month.

a couple of years ago, i made myself a list of things that i wanted to do for the month of April.
i know that i am late already for this month's list,
but i think i am still going to do it...but i might add some spring stuff in there, too...
cause this has been a long, hard, BIG winter
and i think i need some spring
{even if everytime i look out the window, i am still blinded
by the reflection of the sun off the tree-top high snowbanks}

feel free to play along!

and if you are here on my tiny island,
check out some of these events that are planned!

and there is still time to enter in the photo session contest!