oh...my...god...

this is just to say
how
damn proud i am
of
myself

i just challenged my computer illiterate self
to add a link
and DID it...
i did it i did it i did i really had no idea how to do it and i did it
heeheeheeheeheeheehee

sorry...
this may seem small and trivial to you
but it is monumental
to me
heehee

sigh...packing in case of...

one way or the other
we cannot stay where we are...
it is too expensive
much too expensive...
beyond our means
and yet
ugly as sin
so...
whether we get the house we want or not
we still will have to move
and let me just say
there is nothing like the prospect
of having to physically pack up and move all of the
clutter and crap you have collected
to make you start downsizing...
clean sweep my ass
people should just move once a year
now
thats
some motivation...

eulogy of a yellow house

they have torn down
every building
in which you exsist
for me...

i stood on the sidewalk
of 63 russell street
in stunned loss and dismay...
it was gone
all that stood in its place
was a plot of ground
bare
open
gone...

like an idiot
i looked all around
crazily
absurdly
trying to get my bearings
my moorings
and
then i burst into tears
on the sidewalk
right in front of the where the front step was
where we were sometimes allowed to play

all of my memories of summer
invariably come back to that house
the way the sun comes through the leaves of the trees
the smell of hot black pavement
mixed with fresh cut grass
and the sound of people in other yards in other houses on other streets
penny candy
the first cake i baked on my own
the first time i found out what certain bad words meant
how i learned that big cars that run like they are on air
make me carsick...

how can that be
that you have been gone
from me
for this long...

silence....sweet and unexpected...

 

i am always surprised by how silence can sound now
considering i very rarely experience it...
but today the kids are gone
and my own are with b. for swimming and supper
and i don't know where the great and powerful ogg is...

you will have to ignore my wordiness
as i am reading a biography of sylvia plath
and i find whatever i read tends to take over my head
for some time afterwards....

we have heard from the mortgage broker
that she considers the house to be almost
(damn that almost)
100% ours...
its hard to beleive that i could actually own a house
or co own
or actually
not even own at all now that i think about it...
it is entirely in oggs name as i am of the self employed nature...
however...
it is still
hard to beleive