friday i'm in love....



Can't wait for extra hour of daylight...., originally uploaded by gkgirl.

::::with daylight savings time happening this weekend.  
i need that extra hour of daylight.
winter is sucking the life out of my bones.

 ::::i finally broke down and tried instagram AND twitter...you can find me as gkgirl70 on either one
and instant. 
addict.
:)

:::::i desperately want one of these...i watched the video and drooled.  
literally.  drooled.  like a baby.  
:::::with meeting up with an old friend 
for coffee at my favorite local coffee shop
where they played damian rice
in the background...
and she let me vent about the my recent diagnosis of ADD
by my son's guidance counsellor...
yes, you read that right.
MY diagnosis...not my son's...mine.
{for the record, i have NEVER been told i might be ADD or ADHD...
my grade one teacher may have said that i should see a psychologist
but that was it.  hmmmph.}

 :::::a sweet tweet (is that what i call them...tweets?)
(i have not wrapped my head around all of this yet)
directed at me that made me smile




A seed of a poem....a kernel of truth scribbled onto a sunshine yellowpost it note...



A seed of a poem....a kernel of truth scribbled onto a sunshine yellow post it note...#photography #wordsIlovewords, originally uploaded by gkgirl.

lemon yellow
sweet as sugar
you melt like butter
in my mouth
and leave me
panting in a puddle
on the floor...
you are the colors of the ocean
and
you come in hard
like the tide...
a bated held breath surprise


grounded

i am sensing a theme
today
showing up
happenstance
through my day
calling to me,
waiting for me to notice that it has been following me like a shadow
if i would just
pay
attention.

and oddly enough,
that's what it is...
it feels like something is trying to tell me
to slow down,
to pay attention.
to stop rushing the day by, the hours by, the seconds by...
{they will go by fast enough on their own}.

i woke up this morning to snow
so heavy on the tree branches
and a muffled almost silent world,
everything tinged blue.

and even though my normal routine is to rush, rush, rush out the door
this morning
i had to stop
and get my camera and
document the wonderment of this sudden silent snowfall.

typical rotten monday things happened
but then i came home and this was in my inbox
i went to yoga
and the instructor told us about breathing
about slowing down
about grounding yourself
and, although i am sure she tells us that every time,
this time,
i seemed to really hear it.

i came home and ate a salad slowly
by myself
without the tv on
only music in the background
and a little bit of lamplight...

i stopped in to lose myself
for a moment
in the vast internet
and opened a page to read this and
almost looked over my shoulder to see if
someone was stalking me, following me, waiting for me
to finally
get
it.

and i love, love, love what she says
about her yoga instructor
who said
"forget next and remember now".

forget next and remember now.





sunday and i am lost again....

lost again in other people's words
and other people's photos
other people's art
other people's ideas
and why can't i stop
my own brain from whirring like a top
spinning like race car tires
stuck in slush and mediocrity.
and snap into focus
my own god damned life.


what am i doing?

i think i am filling the well
(i tell myself this...i promise it to me)
but really
i think i am procrastinating
i am afraid
i have lost my confidence
i have lost my brave
{before i even owned, i lost it}

so i make myself come to the page
and just write.
don't censor.
don't fear.
just write.
{i fear sometimes that i am losing my voice...
i fear sometimes that when i find it again, i won't even recognize it,
was it ever mine?}

i know if i look back on this blog,
i will see a sad refrain.
full of can i?  can i?
where is the i can.
but instead i whimper and sigh
and feel i don't have enough time
but really, i have all the time in the world
what i am lacking
is
beleif
in
myself.