poetry thursday...late again.

to speak through another's voice,
see through their eyes,
empathize,
visualize,
what can i see
when you prompt me...
i chose my grandmother
who stubbornly set herself down
in my head yesterday and said
"this one is mine.
write it about me."

she had had alzheimers.


bright orange curls
and quick blue eyes
that's what i expect
to see.

but when they set
the mirror down-
the reflection
cannot possibly be...

who is that woman?

she is not me.

she is old.
and lost.
and broken alone-
weary and sad,
the world no longer
known
to her
with memories
beginning to
lie.

she is not me.

where am i?

goldfish...glub...glub...glub.

my daughter received an mp3 player
for her birthday...
i made her this little
mp3 goldfish-y type holder
to carry it in her backpack in...
:)

thanks to everyone who wished me
a happy birthday...
it was very sweet.
part of the birthday spoils included
this book

which i have been coveting
for a long long time now...
there are some great step by steps
and some oh-so-pretty patterns...
i can't wait to dive in!

i also joined a Knit-a-long!
my first one!
heehee.
it is a dishcloth one,
and starts on september 15...
i'm chomping at the bit
to get started
(heh. guess what everyone is getting
for christmas this year?)
heehee

36 (things about me) today!

(i'm the one in the yellow.)

1. my grade one teacher wrote that
i may need psychological help in my
grade one report card.
2. my mom ignored her suggestion.
3. when i started university and handed
in a journal i was supposed to write, my
professor kindly suggested i look into
professional help.
4. i ignored her.
5. i was very anxious as a child.
6. and shy.
7. and cried alot
8. like, much more than the average child.
9. i'm not like that anymore though :).
10. i miss my brother.
11. he's in calgary.
12. far away from where i am.
13. i love to read
14. i love the color purple
15. i love the smell of gas
16. and permanent markers
17. and exhaust fumes
18. i once rode an elephant through mcdonald's drivethrough
19. i ordered a milkshake
20. i love greys anatomy
21. and toasted tomato sandwiches
22. i have a tattoo of the grinch on my ankle
23. i got it for my 21st birthday
24. i was drunk when i got it
25. they played rebel yell by billy idol while
i got the tattoo
26. i love sesame street
27. and the muppets
28. and fosters home for imaginary friends
29. and o'grady
30. i was the manager of a record store
31. and a book store
32. and a tacky t-shirt/tacky jewellry store
33. and a "hostess manager" at mcdonalds
34. and assistant manager/photographer at a photo studio
35. now i am an IBI tutor
36. i always add a year onto my age...this is my real age
but starting tomorrow, i will say that i am 37, should
anyone ask.

pay no attention.

tonight
i feel
sad
and quiet.

alone
and
unheard.

i don't even know
why
except
that maybe
i am not listening
to myself.

impending birthday
looming.

wondering
what have i done?
what will i do?
who have i become?
where do i go
from here,
where is
here?

i ponder
and pause
and wonder...
quiet questions
pulsing
in my head.

pay no attention,
i'm sure it will pass...
a moment,
a thing,
a phase--a cycle.

i'll wait it out
with words.

quiet friday.

a little while ago,
i was lucky enough to
get picked to receive
some cool fabric
from one of my favorite
bloggers.
it came in the mail
this week...

it was perfect timing,
because i really would like to try
making a lined bag
and i think that this would make a
fantastic color for a lining,
especially on a deep blue bag..
thanks, molly!
i loved it!

speaking of bags...
i finished knitting this one.
the pattern is from
stitch and bitch...
it is called zeeby's bag

it is not the exact same
and i made a few mess ups on it
(for one, i sewed the wrong side on the back)
but i don't think it is that noticeable,
unless you are looking for it.

i decided to go with
a pocket on the front as well
as the inside,
because when i stitched the pocket
on the inside,
i probably should not have gone
right through the bag,
cause then you could see the stitches.

live and learn.
that's what it is.