to think that maybe this year
i could get back to blogging again,
get back to putting words in front of me,
to finding inspiration
in what others have to say?

to try (again) to take a photo a day for
a full year?
(i do have a better phone now, which means, a better camera
on hand ALL the time)...

to really take an honest-to-gawd hard look
at my life
and make some real changes?
you know that adage
if you keep doing what you have always done then....
yeah.
right now,
i feel like that's me.

to resolve to get back to yoga,
back to eating healthy,
back to drinking more water,
to letting go of that sweet sparkling crisp vice of mine (diet coke)?

i am really, really, really going to try to make some
actual changes this year.
i know it is already jan 3rd and i am still mulling over
what these changes will be
but i think i need to do that.
i think this year really does need to be different.
financially.
photographically (is that a word. i doubt it).
i need to change things up.
i need to let some things go.
i need to make some hard choices.
i need to let myself be happier.
i need to make some changes.

hello 2015

i have been waiting for you
with bated breath
and avid anticipation.

2014 kind of hurt my feelings a little
on the way out...
made me question my parenting skills,
made me question how other people view me
as a parent,
as a person,
as a friend.

Made me wonder why i care so much.
Made me wish i could just let it roll off me like
drops of water,
inconsequential.
Why i couldn't listen to the advice
i would have given my own kids in this situation...
you can't please everyone,
listen to your heart,
trust your intution,
let it go,
move on.

but instead
i have been letting off-hand remarks
fester like open wounds,
re-running imaginary conversations in my head.
here's what i would say
if i ever said anything
but we all know that i won't
cause that's not what i do.

instead,
i have imaginary conversations in my head
of what i would like to say
but on the outside
i remain civil and barely smiling
{but enough to say that i smiled...}

so, hello 2015.
i am happy to see you.
i am going to let these bad feelings fade out with
2014
and i am going to sit down tomorrow with paper & a pen
and this year, i am going to pay attention to me again.
i am going to check in with myself...
cause i think i may have forgotten to do that in the last little bit of 2014.

now.
to pick my word for 2015.
a ritual that always makes me happy.
stay tuned!
:)