one year.
12 months.
52 weeks.
365 days.
8760 hours.
525600 minutes.

time that has elapsed
so quickly yet
so slowly
the moments of hurting
that blind you from behind…
unexpected and out of order.
when i hear someone cough like you,
laugh like you,
smell like you…
but
it’s never you.

we tell stories about you
and we rub the salve of memory
into the wound
and hope that it
will help heal…
sometimes it helps,
sometimes it brings us to our knees
and we have to
catch our breath
and lean on each other
before we can get back
up again.

you are not here
but you are always here.
in every story we tell,
every street i drive down,
every book i read,
every potato i peel…
every time i laugh hard,
listen to music loud,
smell exhaust fumes and du maurier cigarettes,
or hear someone whistle.

it feels minuscule
to say the tiny words
i miss you.

but there are no words
to encompass the supermassive black hole void
that was left behind.
it is incomprehensible.

and yet
i sit here and whisper
in a small voice
i miss you.

and i hope that you can hear me.