Every time I cut the grass,
I imagine how it must look
to an observer….
and likely
how frustrating
it would be for someone
who is a perfectionist,
precise and logical
to watch me
cut the lawn.
Because I feel my methods
are neither precise nor
logical.
I start in the front yard
and refuse to shut the lawn mover off
once I have started
because I am afraid
that will be my signal
to give up
and go get ice cream.
Instead,
I run it as I take to the backyard
which would be fine
except there is not really
any grass
in the middle yard.
Just sticks and chestnuts
and branches and bamboo
and did I mention the chestnuts?
because that is important.
I got hit in the forehead the other day
by a flying chestnut that the lawnmower
spit out with impressive vengeance.
Which would not have happened,
if I had shut the lawn mower off
to take it to the back yard.
My technique for cutting the lawn
starts off with straight lines…
well…somewhat straight…
but then, sometimes I see a patch of grass
over there that maybe I should cut RIGHT now
and then I go halfway around a tree
but there are branches that I haven’t cut up yet
so I play chicken with them,
seeing how close I can get to them before the
lawnmower wire gets all wrapped up in a branch
or I hit a big one…
I also cut half the lawn with
my eyes partially closed
and a scrunched up scared look on my face
because
I have only partially raked
and I know there are still loose sticks
and…maybe some rocks…
so I never know what I might run over…
last time, I ran over a rope
AND a plastic bag that got snarled in the blades
and I had to cut it out with a knife.
I kept my eyes open for that part.
Oh. And I shut the lawn mover off.
And sometimes, there might be a little
random patch of forget me nots
or…sometimes…dandelions
that I don’t have the heart to cut down
so I mow around them….
And I picture someone
precise and logical
observing me cut the grass
(usually my dad comes to mind)
and it makes me laugh…
which probably makes me look even stranger…
giggling to myself as I randomly
zigzag and circle and wander about
being totally illogical and
intentionally imprecise.
And then…
I go get ice cream.