the truth is
sometimes
i feel like
maybe i
have become
too happy,
too comfortable,
too content
all on my own.

sometimes
i wonder if
i will ever
be able to fit
another person
into my life
again….
i am just not sure where
or how
or the logistics
or the ramifications…

i am afraid to
upset this
delicate balance
i have built of
being happy
on my own…
(and let’s not lie
i am also afraid
of being hurt,
of confrontation,
of drama,
of other people talking about me,
of perceptions, of judgements,
of hurting someone else,
of someone wanting me to change,
of losing control…)

and i am so happy right now.
i feel like i live in my own little
fragile soap bubble of bliss…
full of candy & ice cream
and doing what i want
when i want
how i want…
full of friends and family,
cats and a pug,
colors and giggles and music…

i am happy.

if i am going to ever be with someone else,
it has to add to equation…not subtract, not divide,
not make me question my worth, my self esteem, my quirks…
and maybe it has to happen accidentally…
you know, like the kind of thing
you don’t plan,
you just slip into it
because it feels right
without trying.

anyway.

that’s my tuesday truth.
i actually came here
to write about spotify
but then this leaked out of my brain
and onto the page
so…this is what you get today.