It’s New Year’s Eve
and I am wishing that I had thought ahead
and gotten food or treats or diet coke (!!!!)
but now it’s dark out
and I am in my pjs
and don’t want to leave the house.

It’s a sad state of affairs.

Heeheeheehee.

I realize I have not blogged since November
but honestly…
my life was kind of falling apart off and on
all through 2018
so I am actually surprised that I blogged as much as I did (93 times).

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram,
then you likely already know that my marriage of 20 years
has sadly broken into pieces & while I spent a good portion
of 2018 just trying to hold the shards of my heart and head together,
I also tried to appear normal…I didn’t want to admit out loud
for a long time
that anything was wrong…but, eventually, I had to
and, honestly, admitting it was a good thing for me, for all of us, in the end.

So. Anyway. That news is soooo 2018
and I really don’t want to talk/think about it anymore.

This time last year, I wrote about how I wanted 2018 to be a year of fun
not realizing at the time that 2018 was actually still going to be a big year of suck.

Therefore, I reserve the right to re-use my plan of attack & make
2019
a year that I focus on fun. :)

Every year, I go back and re-read my blog & journals for the year that is passing.
This year, well, I just didn’t want to read my journals because…that’s just depressing
and for the first time ever, I am considering burning journals.
But, for my blog, I mainly only talked about the good things, the funny things,
the stuff I love…so here are some of the highlights:

I read 36 books! My goal was 24 so yay me! I realize I didn’t write about all of them on here so I am planning to do a short summary again of the ones that I missed writing about. And now, I need to set a new goal for 2019. Is 25 setting the bar too low? Heh. Oh…any recommendations??
I sold a bunch of watercolor cards (and journals & a canvas!). This blows my mind. Seriously. And makes me incredibly happy. I have big plans for expanding this in 2019 so stay tuned! :)
I sang Mony Mony on a speaker & didn’t get kicked out!
I saw real live eagles.
I went to the air show and sat in a Hornet (a stationary hornet, but still….)(and I had to line up with 50 little kids to do it…but still….)
I joined a writing group, started nanowrimo, got further on a story than I ever have and submitted a story to a contest (I didn’t win…but I submitted it!)
I got to talk on a taxi CB….always a goal of mine.
I created an online dating profile. This has been both amusing and horrifying.
I got my thumb stuck in a box of cold shots at the liquor store which prompted the cashier to say “Well. THAT’S a first.” Heh.
I tried cabbage. I learned how not to stir fry it and that stir fried cabbage could actually kill me. And they keep it by the turnips if you are ever looking for it. And cauliflower and cabbage are not the same thing.
I got in a car accident. Goodbye little accent…I still miss you. :(
I ate a lot of jujubes, broccoli, ice cream sundaes, cucumber sandwiches and popcorn.
We had unplanned kittens.
I did a whole month of Inktober! :)

I am not going to lie though. I didn’t love 2018.

But I learned
that I can do this…we can do this…
that a separation does not mean the end of the world
and it doesn’t mean we failed…
things happen, people grow and change…
(24 years together is a long time…we should just be proud of that)

And that, yeah, there are days it’s going to totally fucking suck
but there are also little bits of good in every day
if you look for them…some days, you have to look really damn hard
but they are there.

And that it’s ok to accept help or support.
That’s one I am still struggling with.
I know we have such a strong support system of friends & family & co-workers…
and I felt like I should write
”thanks for being there for me even when it
felt like all I was doing was pushing you away”
in EVERYONE’S Christmas card….
because…that’s what I learned I do…

The truth is we are alive and healthy…
and 2019 will not be about spinning my wheels any longer.
2019 will be about getting some traction
and moving forward…about having fun and being open minded…
making new friends and reconnecting with old ones…
laughing so hard you spit your diet coke through your nose…

and lots and lots of adventures.

Happy New Years Eve to you…if you have stuck through this
long and painful post, hahahaha, thank you.
I am always totally surprised when anyone reads this
(and always always always so appreciative….)
so thank you so much for being here!

Now…is it too late to order Chinese food?
:)