wordless wednesday....
monday musings
The girl with the butterfly brown eyes stood with her back against the wall.
Silent and still, only her eyelashes fluttered as she looked down at her bare feet.
Pudgy toes and a fallen instep. White baby doll dress with frills and lace, bare legs,
black hair, biting her bottom lip.
I remember her then. So different from the woman I know now.
Though she still want me to call her girl.
She still bites her bottom lip.
If I could turn back time...I thought....would I?
Would I go back there? Would she? Who would ever know.
It can't be done anymore than the damage can be undone. I shook my head and let it go.
Move on, I told myself, move on, people...nothing more to see here.
Just some broken glass and shards of heart and maybe an owed apology or two.
saturday night & my eyes are sleepy
and somehow,
i feel like the day has passed without anything
getting done.
i started out on the computer
thinking that wordpress might be the way to go
for my photography blog
and spent way too much time
trying to incorporate it onto the website
finally figuring it out! :)
and then realizing
it
doesn't
even
really make a difference.
you just link to it anyway.
which i had already done with my blogger version
so
that was kind of a waste of time.
and then
realized that blog templates and logos and all that are
way
more
expensive
than i thought.
and then
(because i was starting to get frustrated)
(which makes me start to get antsy and
messes with my ability to sit still)
i got in the car
and drove outside of town with the camera
and
that was
good.
that was just what i needed.
it allows me to think.
it slows me down and clarifies the big picture for me.
i came home to juicy hamburgers all ready to be eaten
while listening to 13 chatter happily...
and now...
i'm ready for bed.
sunday is another day.
musing on monday
morning pages at 8 pm on a saturday night
when i feel like i should be having a shower
or lighting a candle or meditating
or folding clothes
and my sweater is too big
and my slippers are too hot and did i just hear the disc that i am burning
pop out and oh...
i'm thirsty, maybe i should have made tea
maybe i could still make tea.
and have a shower
and fold those clothes.
why is it so hard for me to sit at this desk? why can't i focus?
all day i am racing around to get the house clean
so that i can have this time to myself
and then
i don't know what to do
with myself.
i don't know where to start.
start with just starting.
start with just starting.
happy heart day...
about valentine's day.
on one hand...i don't really care.
it's a fun idea,
it's all right as long as you don't set yourself up for disappointment
with big expectations...
on another hand,
it grates on my nerves...
how does it end up making so many people feel rotten about themselves,
what kind of a "love" day is that...
it's competitive...
facebook is full of flowers and gifts and
hegavemeiboughthimhesentmearen'tweallsoamazingandloved
and so many other people not posting
wondering why aren't i loved
like that.
it's too up and down.
why am i comparing myself, my relationship
to anyone else's.
i am happy.
he is happy.
18-almost-19 years worth of happy
what more do i need?
the fact that he took 13 out this morning and
bought him sneakers cause his were soaked
and got him a haircut...
the way he warms up my side of the bed for me...
the time he spent listening to my vents and rants tonight
AND watched dr phil with me...
those are the things that matter in the end.
not the things that the media and the laws of consumerism say
we should buy to "prove" that we love each other.
{this is totally not the post i planned on writing when i sat down here
but it's what came out and i'm sticking to it.}
happy heart day!
<3 br="">