that's what wednesday was for me.

a tease,
a snippet,
a glimpse
into what my life could be like
if i say yes and take this lower paying job.

and it was very tempting.

i only had the one child that i would be taking
if i choose to do this.
we actually got to leave the house and go out walking
on a beautiful day, which i can't do with the other children i have
because, unfortunately, i don't have a quadruple stroller
and they are far too young to walk on their own
without holding my hand
(of which, i only have two).

we had a great morning and then he napped,
so sweet and soundly.
his occupational therapist came to meet me
in the afternoon and it went perfectly.
she was impressed with what we had done so far,
and the environment and with what she called my
"calm, soothing, yet firm voice" teehee.

my husband and i had a good talk about this
(after the not-so-good talk in which i was
teetering on the edge of breaking-down-bawling
because i soooo do not want to do the other job anymore)
and he said i had his support and that if i had to
take some shifts at the bookstore i used to work at,
maybe that would be something we could look at, too.

so i called the bookstore manager
(coincidentally, my sister-in-law)
and she said that i made her day
and she would definately call me once they had a
position free up.

and then,
i had good news regarding the lower paying job...
the mom and her assigned support person are
trying to get me paid more...

all in all, a wonderful glimpse...
i want to stay here...
i don't want to go back to
chaos and kid-screaming and stress.

while at the dollar store,
i found these.





and then,
when we got home from the park,
i found these flowers
in my front yard...
i love surprises
:)



and edited to add
for poetry thursday
and a nod to michelle's past post
regarding song lyrics
and poetry...
this is a poem written by a singer:

There was preserved
in her
the fresh miracle
of
surprise.

Jim Morrison

i apologize in advance if this was not
the exact spacing...i had copied into a book
of "favorite poems" back in university
and don't know if i took my own liberties
with the spacing or not...

i. hate. decisions.

the happiness
and relief that i felt yesterday
has
been replaced
by feelings of worry
and anxiety
and "am i making the right choice?"
and "can we afford it?"

always followed by
"but can i afford not to, healthwise? mentalwise?"
because my current job is killing me...

all this precipitated by
an innocent comment by my husband...
a slight expression of concern...
"can we do it"
and suddenly,
the floodgates of
anxiety and stress and second-guessing
opened up
and
now,
i am confused.

do i stay or do i go.

monday musings...

good news...
there may be a slight shift in my job
which is going to allow me
less stress
and more time for myself
but is also going to cause me to earn less money,
and limits what else i can do in order to
take in more money.

but in the end, i think it will be worth it
for the "less stress" factor.
and i am hoping it will lead to bigger and better things,
that maybe, this is just the beginning...

also, a close friend of mine
is getting married
:)
yay!
and asked me to be in the wedding
yay!
she wants to use brown eyed susies
as her "theme"
has anyone out there in blog-land
ever been to a wedding with a similar theme
or color scheme?
she is trying to find ideas for table centerpieces
or favors in relation to the flowers...

its a happy sunny sugar-sweet day!

poetry thursday...

Song

I almost went to bed
without remembering
the four white violets
I put in the button hole
of your green sweater

and how I kissed you then
and you kissed me
shy as though I'd
never been your lover.

Leonard Cohen

i have loved leonard
for as long as i can remember...

poetry thursday here

really, i'm not complaining...

i had a great two days...

i spent a lot of fun, quality, giggly time
with my husband and that was great.

i bought some yarn, worked on a baby
blanket and read some of "the mermaid's
chair".

if i didn't feel like cooking, i didn't.

it was great, really.

am i glad that it is over, though,
and my two noisy-mess-makers
will be back in the house today?
i'm counting down the minutes.

i miss them.