yard sales...

hhhmmm

i think i should have a yard sale.
yeah.
a yard sale.
a big one.
sell everything.
yeah...
a yard sale.

tomorrow.
i think i should have a yard sale
tomorrow.

or maybe i should just
stop
watching clean sweep...

reason #52 why i'm 35 and licenseless...

so
yesterday my husband and i
went for a bike ride...

a little history here...
i have never been really really athletic
nor have i been a big rider of bikes...
when i was kid
i had a bike
and i rode it
but we lived in the country
where pretty much the only rule was get on the grass if a car is coming...
i doubled once with my older neighbor on her ten speed
and stupidly (albeit accidentally) stuck my foot in the spokes
of the front wheel causing the bike and, subsequently, both of us
to flip head over heels...
i was awarded a very nasty huge purple blue bruise on my hip
for that one.

while driving my own ten speed
and carrying a handful of 45 records (heh heh)
i tried to brake to no avail
when coming around the "dead man's turn" that our
driveway is located on
and couldn't stop...or slow down...
(my brothers still refuse to admit that someone messed with those brakes)
i completely missed the driveway
and became air-borne as i flew into the water-filled ditch...
while i lay bleeding in gross, disgusting, leaf-sodden water
with my bike chain wrapped around my leg
my father came to my assistance...
well...
he would have...
if he would have stopped laughing.

but i bet he felt bad when he realized i was
bleeding...bleeding from an injury, i was hurt
(and when my mom shot him a dirty-how-could-
you-stand-there-laughing-at-our-broken-traumatized-
brave-but-not-athletic-bleeding-daughter)

so...
like i was saying
yesterday
my husband and i went for a bike ride...
i have been riding in town for a couple of years now
and although i have had a few minor mishaps
(like the time i was on the sidewalk between a parked car
and a building and there was a man coming towards me
and i panicked-shouldistop?shouldislowdown? whatshouldido???
so i ran into the building and scraped my arm)
anyhow...
my husband is a biking fool really
and is zigzagging in and out of places
and is way ahead of me
and i'm trying to keep up
and i nearly hit that kid
(well, get him out the way then for christssakes)
and then that dog walked in front of me
and then
my husband crossed a busy street
NOT at a crosswalk and i panicked again
what do i do?
do i cross?
do i wait?
do i go up further and try there?
what do i do what do i do what do i do
so i crossed
and nearly got hit by a car
and the man did this big "throwing-up-of-the-arms"
and the mouthing of the "what-the-fuck"
as i stood there on my bike in front of him
trying my 35-year-old hardest
not to burst into tears....

and that, fellow readers...
is why i do not have a drivers licence

one more thing...

i keep finding myself
(in two meanings of that phrase)
on different blogs
that almost seem to be trying to tell me something...

the first one was this
and then i got to this
and i'm wondering whether it is because
i lamented about not knowing what i wanted to be
what i wanted to do
and i weighed out all my options
according to money i could make
and level of discomfort that came with each
and it makes me acknowledge
the fact that i KNOW deep down
that none of these are what i want to do...
what i want to do is something creative
and full of ideas and wonder and fun and art and interest
but
i want to be able to make money too
i want to be able to hold up my end of the "bringinghomethebacon" bargain.
and i am uncertain as to how to make the two fit...
i think in the silent part of the back of my head
i am thinking planning stategizing
that if i could make more money doing something else
then i could afford
to put more into my creative side
but is that the wrong way to look at it...
oh.
i just don't know.
i do know that i have 2 kids a mortgage and a responsibility to provide
and
that is what is constantly forefront in my head
despite what i would like to be doing...
sigh.

or is this just my version of the mid-life crisis....