i keep finding myself
(in two meanings of that phrase)
on different blogs
that almost seem to be trying to tell me something...

the first one was this
and then i got to this
and i'm wondering whether it is because
i lamented about not knowing what i wanted to be
what i wanted to do
and i weighed out all my options
according to money i could make
and level of discomfort that came with each
and it makes me acknowledge
the fact that i KNOW deep down
that none of these are what i want to do...
what i want to do is something creative
and full of ideas and wonder and fun and art and interest
but
i want to be able to make money too
i want to be able to hold up my end of the "bringinghomethebacon" bargain.
and i am uncertain as to how to make the two fit...
i think in the silent part of the back of my head
i am thinking planning stategizing
that if i could make more money doing something else
then i could afford
to put more into my creative side
but is that the wrong way to look at it...
oh.
i just don't know.
i do know that i have 2 kids a mortgage and a responsibility to provide
and
that is what is constantly forefront in my head
despite what i would like to be doing...
sigh.

or is this just my version of the mid-life crisis....