doctor number three...

so.

faithful readers will know that we have gone
to one eye doctor who told us our six year old
son has a lazy eye and practically no vision
in it and that it may be too late to do anything
to correct it....i left that appointment crying.

last week, we had our 2nd appointment
with an eye doctor who downplayed the
whole thing and said six will probably
need to patch his good eye so that it will
force his brain to use his bad eye and
strengthen it, but that its no big deal.
we left that appointment breathing a huge
sigh of relief.

well, today was the third appointment
with the specialist. six will have to wear
glasses that have one lens hugely thicker
than the other. he will have to wear the
patch as mentioned....full time.
no breaks.
all the time.
and because his sight is so bad
in the bad eye, the eye dr. is referring
his case to an organization that will
provide an EA for him during school time
(educational assistant)
because he is going to need that much support.

i feel a little ill at this point.

however, the doctor does think that it is not a lost
cause
and that he will be able to regain a good deal of his
eyesight in that eye...
i am worried now mainly because of how i think
this is going to be on him...as a child...
as a child who is going to look different from the
other kids in his class....

if it comes down to it, that he is having a really really
rough time at school because of it, i will pull him out
for a month if i have to...i will not see him miserable...
i won't be able to...

sigh...i know that things could be worse,
so much worse and i am grateful for that,
i really, really am
but i need time to process these things...

a snippet of six...

six was watching a sport update
waiting for me to change the channel...
(you should know, no one in my house
ever watches sports of any kind for some reason)

six- "mom, last night, the blue jays, the baseball blue jays
they won like one hundred dollars...cause they got a
score"

me-(trying to hide my amusment) "wow. they must have
been happy"

six- "no mom. they're grown-ups"

hmmmmm...which makes me wonder,
am i that cranky lately
that my six year old is under the assumption
that grown-ups can't be happy,
even if they have scored a hundred dollars?

and also...is it odd that none of watches any sport?
heh heh

sigh of satisfaction...

i'm feeling pretty happy and content today
which is a pleasant contrast
to the constant under-the-skin fury
that i have been fighting
for the past two weeks...

it is pouring rain and yet, the sun is shining.

we took six to his 1st eye doctor referral yesterday
and left with a totally different feeling than we had
with the first doctor, even though it was pretty much
the same diagnosis. however, this doctor said it won't
effect his education, his career choice, his ability
to get a driver's license...nothing...he will be fine.

i spent the last hour making a card for my best friend's
upcoming birthday and was very happy with the
final result...i love when you think of the perfect
quote for someone...and then it all comes together.

i have an appointment two weeks from now
which will hopefully help me towards my goal
of going back to school (again) next september.

i have started reading the historian and love it.

i semi-unravelled the mystery of knitting...
to some degree, anyhow, heehee.

all in all, i'm pretty happy and satisfied with myself
today...

oddball dream...

so.

i had a dream sunday night
that i was at a craft fair of some sort,
which seemed to be taking place
in my old high school partly
and partly in the mall i used to work at...

while looking for something to buy,
i came across a number of babies
that were, apparently, for sale...
i remember thinking how i did not want a baby,
would not want another baby,
will never have another baby
and continuing on...

until i came to a room that had another baby
and when i looked at it,
the saleswoman said, "oh. that baby is broken."
i picked up the baby
as she continued to tell me that they
already had to remove part of its leg
and that its ear would have to be fixed
at a later date.

i asked the woman if i bought the baby
would all insurance and whatever come with it?
would the operations and surgeries be covered?
and she said yes.
i decided that someone had to buy this baby
and probably no one would
so that someone became me
and i went to look for my husband to tell him
that we had to buy the broken baby.

then i woke up.
and i had a fleeting panicky feeling that
what if i was actually pregnant
right now?
what if that was why i had that dream?
i mean i know that i'm not
but
it kinda freaked me out.

jingle jingle...

i have spent the afternoon
quiet
and
alone

searching for christmas songs
and recipes for a good garlic-y lemon-y
vinaigrette
and listening to seether, rosie thomas,
bif naked, and the decemberists
among others...

i'm contemplating
cracking open that borrowed book
(the historian)
or finally breaking down and ripping
the plastic off the magazine i've been
eagerly
hoarding...

sigh...what a sweet saturday.