day twenty-three...in which i resort to a list.

a day spent in a classroom
hot and stiff and
listening to talk of
marketing and surveys,
recessions and the
importance of good bookkeeping...

santa claus parade tonight
sitting on a sleeping bag
with ten
while 14 watches with her boyfriend
{but just down the street from us}
S. beside me
in his work coveralls
and me in his handknit earflap hat...

spaghetti for supper
before the parade...
watching out the window
with excitement
for the flashing lights,
too-crunchy-garlic-bread...

hot chocolate
and toast
when we get home...

warm slippers...
pajama pants...
the click clack of keys
the winding down
of a monday night
at home...

day twenty-one...pms and change and silence


and cranky
and fragile...
pms feels like it is running
rampant
through my veins
{like poison}
{like molten lead}
{like citric acid}
close to tears
at every turn...

i need to shift gears
i need to let go
i need to take a step back
away from myself
so i can really
see
myself.

deep breath
eyes closed
letting go

pause

and do it again.

day twenty...in which i offer a quickie...


i'm sorry.

i had a headache.
i had a meeting
(and got very good news
and a definite yes).
i made spaghetti for supper
and had a long nap.
i am cuddled on the couch
with a husband sleeping
at one end
and a daughter asleep
on the other
while i watch
the mighty
and my boy and his friend
build zombie santas in the kitchen.

so i'm rushing
and i'm typing avant garde
with no map
and no plan.

but i'm here.
i'm here.

day nineteen...in which i have ingested too much diet coke



100 ideas by keri smith::number 12
Make a map of everywhere you went in one day.

i did draw a map of
where i have been
but rather than posting it here
i decided to post
a different map of where
i have been.
these photos represent
where i have been
in a totally different way...
and not in a day
but in what feels like a lifetime...
i have a hard time meshing my two lives
together...
there was before them...and after them...
and they have changed me so much...
i have changed me so much...
and that makes me happy.

there is a wooden christmas tree
plugged in by the couch
and i can see the glow
of the lights reflected in the window
beside me
and that makes me happy.

i received a phone call today
that puts me one more tiny step
forward towards
officially opening a photography business...
and an email yesterday from a friend that
i thought had forgotten about me
and today i emailed her back with some hard
questions...it was hard for me
because it felt like "putting myself out there"
but it felt good at the same time...
i watched a video blog of someone else's
good news...
tonight is greys anatomy and a taped
episode of glee with a fudgestick
and maybe even a mug of hot chocolate
while i sit wrapped in fuzzy blankets
and allow myself to be lost
in someone else's life a while...

but i'm always happy to come back to my own.