i knew how to knit
to sew
to crochet
to make my own paper out of scraps
to quilt
to paint
to build things from wood
to make necklaces
and jewellry
from wire and beads...

i wish i had a sewing machine
i wish i had a glue gun
i wish i had a room of my own
i wish i had the guts to give myself permission
to do what i want to do...

if i did
i would write
poetry and novels
and letters of deep meaning
to new friends...

i would take pictures
and develop them in my own dark room
and make fragile and candy-cane sweet christmas
decorations from sugar and water and glue..

and i think i would care less
that my hair cut sucks
and i am wearing comfy pants
and a pumpkin orange sweatshirt
if they were stained
with ink and paint
and my own creative juices...

sigh.