a couple of weeks ago
i went through a thing.
i felt lost
and unlikeable
by everyone except my family...
misunderstood
fake
not being the real me
and yet still not fitting in...

a lot of this stemmed from
an uncomfortable feeling at my son's school,
a feeling of never being able to fit into the
"clique"
no matter how hard i volunteer.

but that was last week.

this week, i don't seem to care so much.
not at all really.

right now,
today,
i am liking who i am.

i like that my hair reminds me
of awesome eighties hair,
(things like heathers, winona ryder and bobs come to mind)
and i have been styling it like so...
the more uneven and choppy looking it is,
the more i like it.
and random bobby pins...
i like that, too.

i bought clothes yesterday that i would have bought
before
but not lately because i have been
trying to dress more
business casual...
more conservative...
well.
whatever.

i don't know why i thought something would change
and make me fit into this town...
i have never fit into this town.
it is almost like my adult self is giving it another shot...
i didn't fit in as an adolescent,
so lets try as an adult
and see what happens.

well.
the hell with it.

i will wear what i want to wear.
like what i want to like.
knit, paint, draw, write,
stand in the middle of my conservative street
and take pictures of the sunrise
if i damn well feel like it.

and i will encourage my kids to
get up with me
and grab
their imaginations.