~i am struggling a little the last couple of weeks.
i have been sick...nothing serious but something
that definitely didn't make me happy...plus
headaches and fatigue...and feeling down...about me...
worried about some serious relationship stuff...
worried about a very close family member who i just
don't know how to help...sometimes i think i should
just let go...i can't fix everything...i can't control it,
i can't be with them 24 hours a day...i can't make
them feel the way i want them to feel...sometimes
i just feel so overwhelmed by it all...by the worry
and the decisions and the responsibility and the
choices and the lack of control and the way it is
constantly like this lately...i guess maybe my kids
are just hitting turbulent ages emotionally...but
i think i have to learn to let go some...
but what is the balance? where is the line between
letting go and disconnecting.

~i don't have 5 truths. i only have that one.
all of everything balled up in one jumbled paragraph
of poor grammar and run on sentences and truth.
somedays, i feel like i am just treading water...
just trying to keep from drowning...
to keep from going under.

~i guess i have one other. no one else knows this.
no one else knows that i am feeling like this right now.
i have this side of me that refuses to let myself
talk about stuff like this out loud...i just can't.
i can't form the words.
i can write them...i can type them...but i can't
admit them out loud. that things are not always
great. that sometimes, things really suck.
{but never out loud. }