i have been trying hard
to establish a routine, a ritual,
a way of being...
i started with journalling every morning
but i had no time limit, no page expectation...
i also read a page from simple abundance
every morning...
and have been doing this book...

the challenge for week four
in the life makeovers book
refers back to julia cameron
and the exercise of morning pages...
the challenge is to do it for 30 days...
3 pages a morning.

i have always struggled with 3 pages.

but i thought i would give it a try.
the first couple of days, i really struggled...
a huge part of me just wanted to put the book
down and walk away...i just kept thinking
almost in a temper tantrum kind of way
i don't want to do this...

so...i made a tag that hangs on my bulletin board
with some journal prompts on it...
i use the passage that day from simple abundance
to write some of my thoughts on
and i have gone back to an idea that michelle
once shared...to write the happiest things
that have happened to me today
(but since i write in the morning, i share
the happiest things from yesterday)
and what i really, really want for today...

and i light a vanilla baked cookies scented candle.

and it's working...the 3 pages are now a breeze...
and this morning, i actually came across
some insights i had never thought about before.
like why i have such trouble ever speaking
or writing of "soul"...and i realized that i
equate soul with religion...another area i struggle with...
because i can't see it, it is not tangible...
i can point to my elbow for you, i can bend my
knee if you ask, i can take pictures of my feet...

but soul?
it's so abstract, so slippery...
how do i know there is such a thing?
is it just what makes me
me?
because i generally refer that as a
mix of brain and heart...
both being body parts
i can point to.

why do i struggle so with anything
that requires
beleif.
and faith.

so you see...the three pages thing...
it's working for me.