tonight
i am blurry
and quiet
silent inside
thoughts have to be pulled out of me
{they stick like warm taffy}
my bones hurt
and my brain
is tired
thick and heavy
shiny molten lead
so much going on
so little down time
running on emptiness
fumes that sputter sputter
stop.

tonight
i am more of me than i have been in a long time
dark walk down a lonely street
red stop light blinking in the fog beseechingly
telling me to pay attention...
this is your life...
pay attention.

tonight
i sat and listened as other people's visions...
impressions...
perceptions of me
were reflected back to me in story form
and all that was expected of me
was to accept this gift
and say thank you
and i was blown away by the mirror they held up...
the version of me that i would not have thought
other might see
always thinking i am seen as i see me in my own
memory/mind...quiet, shy, rule follower, safe.

tonight
cracked me open
a little bit
and left me wanting more.