is it wrong...

is it wrong that he just walked in the door
{and even after 16 years together}
i melted into a little throbbing puddle on the floor...
that black t shirt
and barely there beard {whisker scratches}
jeans that are threadbare and faded and worn
black baseball cap
worn backwards
just the way i like it...

those high cheekbones
and funny shy giggle when i told him
how i felt when i saw him come in

he said he had just taken off his
shiny-mirrored-aviator-reminds-me-of-a-seventies-cop
{in a good, good way}
sunglasses before he came in the door...

is it wrong
that after this long
he can still do this to me
butterflies and giggles
shy smiles and shared secrets...

it can't be wrong.
it feels too right.

5 posts away from 1000....

where have i been since last thursday?

i have been ::
~listening to this cd and loving it
~getting up earlier to do some yoga and write a little
{hoping to make it a regular routine}
~happily watching the snow melt and looking for geese
~reading this book and not so sure about it yet
~taking pictures of marbles and shadows
~repurposing a hilroy scribbler into a new favorite list journal
~finally watching eat pray love and liking it {but not as much as the book}
~getting bangs cut
~trying to take photos of the "supermoon" and getting cursed at by our elderly next door neighbor
~trying on mascara for the first time in about ten years
{and liking the results}
~eating ham sandwiches with lots of mayo and mustard on thick garlicky bread

~planning, daydreaming and doodling...waiting and wishing for spring

poetry thursday

toasted homemade bread
slathered with jam and butter
i sit on the edge of my seat
straining to hear...
waiting to see...
wondering in form
you would choose to appear to me...
would it be in the blur of bokeh
or a broken heart shaped rock found on the beach
will i hear it when it happens
will i notice
will i see...

tuesday truths...{the totally random edition}


i like to hear my kids laugh
but i especially like
when something i have said
is cause for their laughter...
at 11 and 15, i have not been
"cool"
for a loooooong time...
so to make them laugh
feels like a bit of a victory
for me...


last night
i hijacked a picture 11 had drawn
of his usual call of duty army men
dressed in full regalia carrying arms...
and i wrote things like
"i just wish someone would give me a hug"
and
"i don't like to shoot people...it's not polite
that's why i use my rainbow raygun..."


my daughter is obsessed with horror movies.


i ate a perfect bologna sandwich today.

middle of March and I'm still doing resolutions?


originally i wrote 8 resolutions in january
but then
i read the happiness project
and expanded on my initial resolutions
which now look like this:

1. to be healthier: eat, exercise: GOAL energy
2. to make more connections with like-minded people: GOAL happiness
3. to push myself out of my comfort zone more and in new ways: GOAL happiness
4. to read more and watch less tv: GOAL personal growth
5. to work on our debt: GOAL peace of mind
6. to enjoy more time with S & the kids (and friends and family): GOAL happiness
7. to move forward on my Mondo Beyondo list: GOAL personal growth
8. to cut out diet coke: GOAL health
9. to move forward in my career: GOAL peace of mind, security
10. to develop a rhythm to the photography business and alleviate stress: GOAL personal growth, peace of mind
11. to find the time, energy and resources to be creative every day: GOAL happiness
12. to make our house somewhere that we are happy to have people over: GOAL happiness

then the next thing that i want to do
is look at this and figure out
how i can move forward
on every front
a little bit at time,
looking for a concrete, measureable
manageable plan of action.

i think that if i looked carefully at each resolution
i could find a number of goals within
ie
to be healthier means to
eat better, keep a food diary, drink more water, walk more, etc...

and then, i want a resolution chart...
{i like charts...and checkmarks...and stickers!!}

i have been keeping a bit of a journal...along the lines of:
as of such&such a date, i have
done the following things to meet these specific resolutions...
and that has been working ok for me
but
i kind of like the idea of a chart...
i'm a geek of grand proportions,
what can i say?