I thought that as I got closer to 40
things were going to get easier.

I thought I was going to be self assured and confident
strikingly indifferent to what other people thought of me....
I thought that worry and stress and anxiety attacks
were going to melt into my thirtysomething past.

But
I was wrong.

Money is tight, work is uncertain,
14 going on 15 has developed an anxiety issue
so large we have been seeing someone
and had to medicate her...
I don't know what to do anymore...
I am not sure of any choices/decisions/thoughts that I have...

I am second guessing the credibility of my photography...
Second guessing my positioning, my editing, no longer trusting my own opinion of what looks good.

I spend the day feeling like sham,
A wisp of an impression that could blow away
on a breath of wind....
That could topple any second
Silently as a house of cards.