what do you want to do...

i had a meeting today with some very nice people about possible
studio space...
and i feel like i blew it.
like i hmmm'd and hawww'd...
i stuttered and flustered...
i think at best i came across as
ill equipped, uncertain and
somewhat flaky.

i keep thinking about the conversation,
running it around in my head in a loop...
what did i say-why did i say that-why didn't i say this

but there was a pivotal moment for me
when i was asked
what do you want to do?

everything.

that's what i said.
everything.
and the more i think about it,
the more i think
i could not have said anything more
true.

but maybe i should have elaborated...
what could i have said...

i want to
take photos of toys and leaves and rocks and pugs and eggs and broken melting popsicles...
build a robot out of yarn and sticks and saran wrap and glitter
write a story for kids
write a story for grown ups
doodle
build a fairy house
create a miniature city
have grown up coloring parties
create paper dolls with intricate outfits and fancy names
make sock puppets
make a cartoon
build a life size flying saucer
make a paper mache T-rex named fred
sticker and glue and cut and paste and melt and sew and tack and tear and play.
play.

i want to play.

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this seemed to be the most fitting photo to go with this post if i am trying to convince you that i might be a little on the flaky-over-excited-about-a dirt-road-wants-to-build-a-T-rex-odd side.

Please picture me saying "DO YOU SEE THIS DIRT ROAD BEHIND ME???"  cause...that's what was happening.  :)

and then part of me thinks...you know what...
maybe you shouldn't say all that.
maybe everything...
by itself...
was enough.
:)
 

toes in my nose, you say?

i had the opportunity to attend a full day workshop
saturday with Sheree Fitch, author of kids favorites such as
toes in my nose
and there's a mouse in my house..

i was familiar with her work both from
having read her books to my own kids
and from when i worked at the bookstore
(which seems so long ago now...).

i wasn't aware, however, that she also wrote fiction for adults!
i will definitely be checking that out...

there were two workshops today...
one on writing children's literature (and if you know me,
you know how i feel about that subject!)
and one on "how to write that book that you need to write"...
(another topic that i have been struggling with)
(for years actually).

at one point, she asked us "what are you afraid of"
what is holding you back?  what fear is keeping you from writing?

i didn't have to look far for mine.
i know what it is.
i have spent my whole life being a book lover,
an avid reader, the wordy girl,
the nerdy kid always with a book in my hand.

i have always thought that
someday
i would write something.
someday.
and i have held on tight to that image of myself for so long,
i am scared now that if i DO write something
and i suck at it
then that part of my life is over.
right now, i can just keep thinking that someday
when i have enough time,
and the perfect space to write in,
and a stack of my favorite pens,
and a journal and a system and a plot and a timeline...
someday,
i WILL write.

i have made it something that defines me in my own head and heart
and i am worried that if i fail at it,
i will lose a big part of who i think i am supposed to be.

the truth is...
what holds me back
is
that i am scared.

that said,
if you have have an opportunity to attend a workshop
with this author,
you should definitely get your name on that list.
it was very interesting and she is extremely engaging,
very down to earth and easy to relate to.
it was a great way to spend a Saturday!

the photo below has nothing to do with the workshops...
i just thought it was pretty :)
 

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baby steps...

yesterday i worked on my wedding questionnaire
which i talked about a little in yesterday's blog post
as i gushed about google forms...
but this was a step forward for me,
something i had been intending to do for a long time...
previously, i had done this as part of my contract
but i realized that, because of that, it was not getting done.
the timing was wrong.
the contract sometimes goes out two years in advance
and the information i wanted to gather on the questionnaire
was going to decided much closer to the wedding date.

so i felt like this was a big thing crossed off my list.

today i decided to figure out something else that has been on countless to do lists,
just never very close to the top.
people are always asking me about purchasing prints...not wedding prints, not family prints,
but some of the other work that I do...
(the other work that i realize i don't do nearly as much as i would like to, by the way)
so today, i looked at some options for offering my prints up for sale.

in the end, i decided to create an account with Fine Art America...
and so far...I AM LOVING IT.
when i first started taking photos, i used the website "flickr" so share my photos
and really, that was a huge help for me.
it let me see which photos i posted got the most attention,
it allowed me to participate in groups and both offer and accept feedback.
there were so many people that were better than me
but there were many people that were just starting out, like me...
it was a very friendly, welcoming, positive experience for me.

and i kind of feel like Fine Art America is similar...
not only can you share your art on their site but you can join groups,
you can favorite & like & comment other artists...and i like this...i like this a lot

so feel free to drop by my page at Fine Art America
and check things out.  No pressure to purchase.  I am really just looking to
find a new way to connect with others and to offer the possibility of purchase
to those who had asked for it.  :)

A bit of test...and a big sigh of relief...and a very informal welcome!

today i decided, on a bit of whim, to create a new website...and then, i decided, also on a whim, to import my 10 YEAR OLD blog over to the new site...

which was terrifying.

literally.

as soon as i hit import, my stomach sank and i pictured it all. being. gone. 

but....it seems to have worked!!!         

so...if you are visiting me here...hi!!!  welcome!!! feel free to dig around...hope you find something that makes you smile or wonder or want to pick up a camera or a pen or even some crayons (i do love to color!)

i have some plans for this site....which is why i made this terrifying change...

stay tuned!

:)