i have been up since 6 am
on a saturday morning
(you weren't here)
(my feet were cold)
(i can't get warm by myself)...

the sun is shining
and i have done the dishes
and started the laundry
and opened the bills
that made me feel sick
and panicky
and ill.

i rollercoaster between emotions...
we can do this,
it will get better,
we've done it before...
oh my god.
how did this happen.
how do we get out of this hole.
where is the light
at the end of the tunnel...
we've been in worse spots
(have we really?)

and then i force myself to breathe slower.
this is not the end of the world.
what is the worst that could happen?
no one is sick.
we are all healthy and happy and
we laugh really hard at least once a day...

so the water in the basement may have made the
furnace sound a lot louder than it should.
so the bills are mounting.
the snow is also melting, too
and the pug is sleeping in a basket at my feet.
the kids have both gotten jobs
S is ready to take on new things for the summer,
weddings will be starting soon.

this will pass.
this will pass.
this will pass.

someday i will look back and think remember when.

in my corner of the world::

a little bit of snow but calling for warm temperatures the rest of the week
so i'm ok with that.

i posted this status on facebook last night

remember when you were a kid and you would just lay on your bedroom floor and listen to your mixed tapes really loud and sing along even though you really couldn't sing very well (or..at all) but you lived in the country so no one could hear you but your family and they loved you anyway...and it would get dark outside and instead of turning a light on, you would just watch the equalizer on the ghettoblaster light up...that's what i feel like doing tonight.

and i was completely surprised by the response it got...
and even more so...
that 90% of the likes were from girls.
did boys not sing along with the radio?

my girl did a "like for TBH" on facebook...
if you have teens or pre-teens, you will know that this means
like the status and get a response that starts with "to be honest"...

to be honest, i was not expecting a tbh back from her.
to be honest, the tbh i did get back almost made me cry.

Tbh; you're a weird, quirky, muppet/sesame street/dr seuss/smurf loving woman. You've given me some pretty cool qualities; wicked sarcasm, being able to be a hard ass when I need to, strength, a cynical sense of humor, and mega creativity. You've also given me some not so rad ones; like that whole weird person magnet thing, and getting myself into totally weird and awkward situations, but that usually makes for a good story afterwards so I suppose that's okay.