ominous.




i took the kids to a fun park yesterday
and spent the day with my childhood
(and current)
best friend
and my kids
going on water slides, in the pool and slamming
each other in the bumper boats...

this is what the sky looked like on the drive home.
and the funny thing was
no matter how many times i pulled the car
over to take some pictures,
the kids never asked me once
what or why i was doing it...
they just accept it now
that their mother
is odd.


beach bum





we spent the day at the beach today
and then came home
and bbq'd steak
and roasted new potatoes,
had corn on the cob
and onions...
mmmm.
i love summer.

today.


today is dark
and dreary
and i always feel as though
i am
out of time,
not enough time...
not enough time
to get everything done at work,
not enough time spent with the kids,
no time to do any of the things
i want to do...

i have a baby shower to go to tonight
and an unfinished baby hat...
a wedding shower tomorrow night
and no gift, no card.

this is not working,
this work thing.
just not working out at all.

sometimes.

sometimes i think i should just write...

i should just show up to the page
and write
whatever comes to mind,
write to let go.
write to release.
write to write.
for the sake of writing.

eliminate all planning, all foresight,
all corrections and analysis.

stream of consciousness.

letting go.

auto-pilot
and see what comes out.

maybe that's what i'll do this month.

it can't be any less than what i have
already
been doing.