friday and i'm in love with spring....😍

It’s been a little weird
over here in the
big orange house.
my boy is in Yellowknife
and now my girl has been
out of the house most of the time
as well (not officially moved out
but definitely hasn’t been home 😆).

It’s good but it’s also
strange…in my 55 years on this planet,
I have only lived alone
once
and that was for a very short
period of time…like…maybe a month…
or less…

It’s been weird. Not awful.
But weird.
(and I mean really…
how alone can I actually be
with 1 dog and 3 cats…)

I took the Christmas tree down.
This led to a very big purge and
decluttering of the big orange house
which was way overdue.
It’s not even close to being done yet
but I feel good about the progress.
Like, really good.

But what I didn’t expect
were the emotions that came with it…
I get emotionally attached to objects
either because of memory/sentiment
OR because I also assign feelings to
inanimate objects…I don’t know why.
I just do.

To be sorting through at least 20 years
of stuff…photos, invoices, scorecards from board games,
cards from ex, cards to my ex,
the kid’s artwork and schoolwork and that
little pair of shorts that my boy loved,
the adorable coat my girl hated but was so cute in…
photos and write ups that I did for my dad’s 60th birthday,
letters and journals and poems written on
napkins and lyrics scribbled on bills…
you get the idea.

It was hard.
Like gut wrenching punched me in the heart hard
at times…

But I’m coming on to the other side of it now.
And yesterday was the first glorious day of spring.
And there were purple & yellow teeny tiny flowers
in my front yard…and it was nice enough out
to read on the deck…and…

I feel lighter.

I feel like fresh air and good sleep,
ruddy cheeks and messy hair.
I feel like it was a hell of storm
but I’m still standing on the other side of it
and I am ready for whatever comes next.

*not what I came here to write but you must
be used to that by now.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE

🌼i was obsessed with this when it came out…and have new renewed my obsession….so perfect.

🌼how perfectly timed was this!

🌼while i have been patiently watching this one episode a bloody week (and i’m telling you know, it better all make sense in the end or i am going to be SOUR), on the other nights, i have been watching this and it’s actually surprised me and has me hooked…i am sad to see there will be no season 3 though. Boo.

🌼got a last second sweet offer to go to Halifax to see Our Lady Peace & Collective Soul last week!! Sooooo fun. Great company, good food and the concert was fantastic! Yay to live music and road trips!

this was the UH-MAZ-ING breakfast from Pur & Simple!!!

Happy spring to you! I hope you have
flowers in your yard and not too much mud
in your driveway! 🌞

thinking out loud

Every time my website renews
I suddenly want to blog more in
order to warrant the cost of keeping this space…

so here I am on a Sunday night
writing messages from my bed
and cursing why it is so damn hard
to single space in here when on my tablet and
waiting for the melatonin to kick in…

if you have been here for a bit
you might remember my “creativity jar" idea
where i put a bunch of random ideas on slips of paper
in a jar and then some timeframes & rewards
in other jars
and used this as my theme or idea for the time period listed…
well, i picked a new one today…
popcorn.
i got popcorn as a theme….
FOR A MONTH
this is going to be hard. 😄

but once i started thinking about it,
i was able to come up with a bit of a list of ideas
including some recipes to try
so this could be fun!

and i love that the days are getting longer now.
the sun was still shining at 6:30 pm
so i stopped for an ice cream sundae
on my way home from my mom's…
and i spent time knitting and listening to loud music,
started a new book
and feel like i am going into this week in a good mindset.

happy daylight savings day to you! 🌞

friday i'm in love...

A rainy, wet friday
but I’m ok with that.
I cleaned the house this morning
and now I am in fresh pjs
and a hair mask
and monster slippers
eating cinnamon hearts
and listening to
mumford and sons
while puttering around
at the little blue desk.

I know it’s immature
but I am avoiding the news…
I am scared that my brain
won’t know the difference
between the responsibility of
being informed
and the inability to
claw my way out of the
rabbit hole
a person can easily fall into.

I don’t know what to believe…
I don’t know what is true
and what is blatant speculation
and distraction and lie.
I don’t know enough about anything
to feel informed
and what is informed anyway
if what you are being told is
a slant, an agenda, a motive…

I am tired.

So instead, I put the phone out of my reach
and I watch the chickadees outside my window,
I crunch cinnamon hearts between my teeth.
I listen to songwriters and poets and
the pug snoring on the couch.
I stand on the deck
and feel the misty rain on my face
and I breathe deep.

This.
This is where I am today.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE:

💜I absolutely positively fell in love with this house and property and this guy’s mindset.

💜I am hungry for music lately….like literally starving for it. Here is what is on repeat: this one, obsessed with this one, oh….and this one! and thisssssss!

💜I adore the colors in this kitchen…and the whole house really.

💜 cinnamon hearts

saturday sorta sad thoughts...

Today is my dad’s birthday.
He would have been 80 today.

Every time there is a milestone,
I go into it thinking I’m ok, it’s ok,
everything is ok…
and then it surprisingly
tackles me and takes me down for the count.

I feel like maybe
there is a lesson to be learned
in this.
That maybe I shouldn’t be trying to
fight it
and just lean into those moments
and let them happen…
cause
the truth is
they are gonna happen anyway,
whether I say it’s ok or not.

Once again,
this was not what I came here to write.
But this is what came out of the
keyboard…

I was going to write about
how I bit my tongue so hard
it bled for a long time
and I have had to (painfully)
take tylenol in order to
deal with how much it hurt.

But now you know both.
:)

I partly wonder if I subconsciously
bit my tongue that hard
to distract myself from the
pain in my heart.

tuesday truths...

i haven’t done one of these
in a while.

i was going to come here
to say
i’m tired of winter,
of frozen pipes
and shoveling the driveway,
of layers of clothes
and how it doesn’t matter
how careful i am,
i always end up with
snow in my boots.

but the truth also is
that i am starting to see
the light at the end of the
snow filled tunnel…
the days are getting longer,
second by gradual second
and i am grateful
for every extra moment of light.

the sun sets tonight
on the blue-white snow,
my driveway is kind of shoveled,
my heat is on, the house is warm.
i have chicken fricot for supper
and gumdrops for dessert.
i think about how lucky i really am,
how quickly things can change
and suddenly i am grateful
for the shoveling and
for the snow in my boots.
i’m alive.
i’m healthy. i’m happy.
and i’m safe and loved.
that is enough.

(though….i’m still ready for spring….)