it's been a bit of an odd summer...

my brain doesn’t
quite know
what it wants
to do…
i mean, let’s be honest,
it never really does.
it’s always been
a bit of a fickle pickle
of a brain
bouncing about
like a frenzied rubber ball
going this way and that…

but lately…

it’s bouncing between
really really up and
let’s buy groceries
cause we are gonna cook things
and let’s refinish furniture
and go places
and start jogging
and maybe write a book
while also repainting the
living room…

and really really down
where i can’t get out of my own way…
tonight i had to put an oil treatment
in my hair
just to ensure that i didn’t go to bed
at 6:30…cause
that’s what i really wanted to do.

and at the same time,
i feel like summer is rushing by
in a flash of rain clouds
and scattered thundershowers
and i haven’t camped yet,
i haven’t gone away,
i haven’t had a bonfire or gone to the drive in
and i feel panicky
and then that makes me tired
so i go to bed
at 6:30.

this will pass.
i think.
i hope.
i just need some deep breaths
and sunshine
and maybe a doughnut.

or a nap.

is everyone like this?

or am i broken a little bit? heh.

this is how many directions i have gone in today:
(to be precise, within the last 2 hours)::

making a to do/goal list for next week
which led to making a spring bucket list
including a possible large scale chalk on the street project,
planting marigolds with the tomatoes
should i repaint the raised beds
oh i need to get a ladder so that i can touch up the
paint on the house
so i should get some more gravel
for the walkway
which led to googling
how to make my own concrete
and then wondering when do strawberries
come out and oh!
i should build a small greenhouse
OR a greenhouse/TREEHOUSE
and i need to get rid of all the winter
coats i didn’t wear this year
is it cold out now, maybe i should go for a walk
but if i build a bird feeder can you even still feed the
birds or is that not allowed but i could
turn that green birdcage into a little dollhouse
kind of thing and where did i put the lights
that i bought for the sesame street lego
and oh! could i try embroidery?
also why do i feel like i am getting a headache.

maybe i’ll take a nap.

it’s not just me, right?
this is normal brain traffic, i think.
or just nod halfheartedly and i’ll
move on to something else shiny in
a minute or two.

spinning my tires....and a tiny peek into how my brain actually operates...

I am feeling a little…
indecisive
lately
which is bad timing
because I also feel like
I have a lot of decisions
to make right now…

and I feel like
I’m spinning my wheels
on ice
and not really
getting any traction….
just a lot of noise & slush kicking up.

And it feels like
each of these
decisions
seem to domino affect
another decision or
create another thing to think about.

Here’s a small sampling of the
chaotic mess happening on repeat in my brain
since my dryer broke:

I could get it fixed…
is it worth getting it fixed, it’s second hand to start with…
could if I fix it myself,
I watched some youtube videos…
I just need a multimeter maybe…and possibly a screwdriver…
but then I need whatever part/fuse it is if that’s even what’s wrong.
I could get a new dryer but if the
dryer vent needs to be cleaned & that’s what broke this dryer
then I need to do that first
unless I clean it myself (which has now been ruled out) OR
I could get a ventless dryer because then
I don’t have to worry about cleaning vent AND
it will fit into that tight space I am working with
but it is more expensive and doesn’t hold as much clothes
(do I need it to hold much…I mean eventually it will just be me here)
(which then causes momentary existential panic
about how I might always be alone and makes me
wonder if I should be taking dating more seriously again
but do I really want to date and how do I fit someone into my life
after this long and mostly I think I’m happy but do I just think
I’m happy cause that’s easier then letting anyone else in
and creates a whole new set of dilemmas)
OR i could get a new washer and dryer for about the same price
as the ventless dryer (but get the vent cleaned first)
and also I think I might need a plumber to tell me
why the sink gurgles when the washer drains
so maybe I should just get a new dryer for now
but should I get a ventless one or maybe
I can just fix my dryer.

but if I get a new washer/dryer,
maybe I should just bite the bullet and get a stove too
(cause, you know, oven pliers)
and if I did that, I should replace the counter top
with a butcher block like I saw on the youtube video,
that didn’t look hard, I just need a saw…and some glue…
but then that would mean the backsplash too
and the sink should be replaced…
and that makes me think of the gurgle again…
and plumbers and maybe I should get a heat pump…

OR maybe I should just get a clothesline.

true story. :)

today was....

a scheduled power outage…

being woken up at 5 am
by a loud bang
and jolting up
in bed thinking
”that’s it. this is obviously
when the furnace blows up.”
(even though there is
no reason at all for me to
think that, it’s just immediately
where my brain goes
instead of to whatever
badassery the FOUR cats
of the house may gotten into
which was exactly the case
as they knocked over the cat tree
again.)

a dentist appointment that I
KNEW I was getting a filling at,
which makes it the worst kind of
appointment because I KNOW it means
a needle. But as usual, they were super sweet
and super understanding and I only
cried a little bit…silently…hahahaha….

buying myself the cutest little
bear/owl/fox mugs & plates
as a reward for said dentist appointment…
yeah, ok…I cried…
but I still WENT so that is
worthy of a cute little bear reward
(AND they were only 94 cents…
NOTHING is ever 94 cents anymore!)

an amazing supper supplied
by chef’s plate
and prepared by chef emma
and fully enjoyed by me!
Seriously soooooo good!

This one was
Thai inspired
chicken spring roll bowls….
mmmmmmmmm.
that chicken!
Soooo good!
This one was definitely a hit.

a little bit of yoga…

I hope that your Thursday was super sweet…
we are one day closer to the weekend! ♥

(captain’s log::day two of temporary restrictions complete)