The days are passing by...

The tree is down and out…
the presents are all put away…
the meat pie all eaten,
the Christmas specials all watched.

These are the days
that I look forward to now…
those limbo transient days
between the bustling busy-ness & stress of Christmas
and the quiet, introspective
silence of the days in between the old year
and the new.

This Christmas was a mix
of hard and soft,
good but sad,
present but also with one foot
in the past
missing our dad.

There is no way it could be anything else.
A teetering balance, a towering loss,
a tenuous hold on keeping it together.
There were new traditions made,
a tradition you would sooner not have to make…
visiting him somewhere you don’t want him to be….
you want him in his chair,
you want to hear him laughing and
calling your name when you walk in the room.

But the first Christmas without him is over now.

I have been rereading my journal from 2023
as I always do.
And I knew that this year would be hard to read.
Bittersweet. I’m glad that I journaled as much as I did.
I realize now how much it helped me
to work though things…even though I
did not feel prepared at the time…
you can’t be. There is no preparation.
There only is what there is.

But the journal helped.
Especially the little bits of gratefulness
scattered throughout it.

RANDOM THINGS I WAS GRATEFUL FOR - 2023 EDITION
(a sampling)

my red & white striped pjs
pineapple & ham on pizza
no water in basement
milk carton kids
sweater dresses
maple cookies
the crow and the clementine
pugs & cats sharing the same patch of sunlight
loud rumbly cars
dad’s good days
TMNT socks
the big orange house
my dad’s laugh/making my dad laugh (various versions of this)
lilacs
the chicken i saw crossing the road sunday
no headache
the flowers on the tree for one last season
baloney sandwiches
how dad resigned himself to the fact that i was not going to go home (she’s so stubborn)
his little jig
dad telling the lost paramedic story
emma’s tattoo for dad
soft crusty bread
motorcycle rides
making emma laugh
dad’s reaction to that room (and the couch that I could sleep on instead of a chair)
cozy girl playlist
me trying to light dad’s cigarette…and how hard we laughed
chickadees
surprise sesame street socks
salt sauna
hearing dad’s voice in videos
♥♥♥

farewell to 2022....

i know that sounds dramatic
but….
i’m allowed.

i have been sick.
that’s gotta buy me some
artistic liberties, i think. :)

all in all,
2022 was actually a pretty good for year
for me.

a bit of a recap in bullet point form:

• got a new laptop named iris

• tried chef’s plate with mostly success

• made a smurf display in the corner cabinet

• watched roughly 19 years of grey’s anatomy IN ONE YEAR

• wisdom tooth extracted after about 9 years of “it’s fine”….

• survived COVID (August - made me miss family camping)

• survived pneumonia (December - SO MUCH WORSE than COVID)

• purple hair in various iterations

• read 38 books! (goal was 35)

• survived fiona with one tree down & a mcgyvered sub pump

• rebuilt the deck with Cam’s help

• painted many things in my front yard purple, orange & yellow, including the door (purple)

• my dad’s emergency surgery scare

• did the wellness cocoon, acupuncture, chiropractor & may have gotten a family dr

• brought home samir the squishmallow, a car tent, a pink car mattress & a hammock

• got a park pass, went roadtripping — Wolfville with Cathy; Isle Madam with Andrea; and Cabot Trail with my brothers & wives & island-tripping with old friends home from away Angela & Chris

• got coyote spray and reclaimed the trails!!!!

• saw the skydiggers again with Cathy, heehee

• pushed out of my comfort zone with 80’s rollerskating!! and the Land & See photography workshops!!

• had a totally sweet and unexpected surprise on my birthday

• did the grown up stuff — Bell cell phone saga; got the furnace cleaned; replaced a door knob ALL BY MYSELF

• saw an almost really big murmuration!!

• listened to 182, 207 minutes of music

• sat wayyyyyyy too close to the fireworks; went to the parade; stock cars and smash up derby; minions movie; (all of this by myself and that’s ok) :)

i did some creative stuff, too, but….
not really enough to talk about.

painted some cards…did most of a month of inktober…
started a floral alphabet, finished nothing.

but that’s ok.
some years you do, some years you don’t.

but…..i kinda feel excited about 2023….
i have plans and goals and aspirations and
i feel all butterflies-in-my-belly
when i think about it,
and THAT is a good way to feel
about a new year coming in.

i hope the end of december
finds you happy and loved and
full of turkey dinners and
super sweet cupcakes…

and sending you all the best for 2023!

throwback thursday... ♥

i have been writing this blog for a long time.

i like to go back and reread
different years for the month
we are currently in…
it’s a bittersweet exercise.
the kids were little when i
started this
and i thought my
happy marriage would last
forever and i never
thought i would get wrinkles
or a saggy neck…haha.

but life happens.

some of the posts make me
a little sad but mostly,
they make me happy…..
(and make me question my
sanity every now and then as well).

like when I made librarian shout YES
in a library…

this image without an image of my
boy at 10 made my heart warm…

and it’s my mom’s birthday on Saturday,
so this seems right…and I miss him. ♥

(captain’s log::day nine of temporary restrictions complete)

2022 - RESOLVE (warning::long post ahead....sorry, heh)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Every year, I choose a word
to set the tone for what I want out of
this coming year…
to set the stage, establish the mood,
create the atmosphere…

to start the year off on a right foot…

I have been doing this since 2008 and some years,
it has worked very well for me;
other years have been a bit of a dud.

I have chosen words like
embrace, adventure, happy, risk,
balance, brave, leap, connect, dare and focus..

Last year, I chose glow
and, honestly, it was one of my
best choices ever.

The other years that I can say
worked really, really well
were unfold and adventure.

But glow?
Glow was fan-frigging-tastic.
And possibly because 2021
was a good year for that kind of thing,
for self care and calm,
for being introspective, for spending time
focused on me…
when I chose that word,
I was picturing intrinsic happiness…
happiness from within.
And that’s what I got.

I did things for me and by myself.
I pushed myself out of my comfort zones,
I allowed myself comfort when I needed it.
I adventured and created and rested and
made decisions all based on what I felt
I needed most…not what I thought others
might think, or want, or judge.

I looked after me.
And it was a fantastic year.

Like, seriously, a FANTASTIC year. ♥

This year, I didn’t contemplate my word
for long…it was like it came to me
immediately…no hmming and hawing,
no wondering if it’s the right word…
the word RESOLVE just popped into my head
and left no room for any other words.

I feel like I start a lot of things,
I talk about what I want to do,
what I should do, what I need to do…
but if you know me, you know I often
don’t do any of these things.

The definitions of resolve is
to decide firmly on a course of action…
a firm determination to do something.

And that really spoke to me.
Loudly. With all caps and exclamation marks.

So, hello 2022.
C’mon in. I’m ready for you.

Happy new year to anyone that still
shows up to read this…heehee.
I mostly keep this blog as a bit of a journal
and accountability tool for myself
but I appreciate anyone that takes the
time to stop by my little weird
and random corner of the internet-world.
I hope you have a year of laughter, health and
happiness! ♥

hindsight is 2020...a review

there is a part of me that feels
like maybe it’s wrong
to do a review of 2020…
that 2020 has left a sour taste for
so many people…

i am a bit of a pollyanna-personality though.
:)

it’s just in my nature.
even the year my marriage ended,
i did a year end review
and was able to focus on the positives
so i guess i should be ok with
a pandemic.
heh.

View fullsize

Every year, I reread my
journals, blog, facebook posts and instagram…
(and, not gonna lie, I catch myself thinking
that someone should take my internet away
many, many times during this exercise).

GEEK GIRL 2020 HIGHLIGHT REEL

♥ I read 31 books! My goal was 30 so I am ahead of the game albeit by a tiny margin,
but still…and one of the books was a computer science text book but I read it cover to cover
so it counts!

♥ Speaking of computer science, I passed my first course with 84% and plenty of tears,
cursing, frustration and questioning myself.

♥ I turned 50! and had a party complete with fireworks (and a stern warning not to light them myself…for good reason), McDonald gift cards for Happy Meals, lots of laughter, hugs and candy and my brother and partner-in-crime told me::

♥ they were taking me to CABOT TRAIL as part of my birthday present!! It was so great! I was able to cross something big off my bucket list AND spend some concentrated time with my niece and nephew who have learned that I am both amusing AND annoying on a road trip. Heh.

♥ After a lot of manual labor, back cramps and cursing, I was able to complete the yard clean up. It only took at least 43 yard bags and a dumpster, but I got it done. Other big orange house accomplishments included fixing the broken wheel on the lawn mower ONLY TO HAVE ANOTHER WHEEL IMMEDIATELY SHATTER, spray foam which resulted in a very artistic sculpture- y display but also kept the ants out, and a garden that produced roughly 60 billiondy tomatoes.

♥ Creatively, I sold some cards, paintings and a little book that someone asked me to put together. I am not gonna lie…that one pushed me HARD out of my comfort zone but the recipient was happy with the final result and that’s what matters. I also got out for lots of adventures with the camera and bought a new phone…JUST for the camera. AND I had a photo shared by CBC…not just CBC PEI (sorry, CBC PEI, I get excited about that, too) but the BIG CBC…like…CBC!!! :) I also built a smurf display!

the photo shared by the big CBC!! :)

♥ I watched all the Star Wars movies and all the Marvel movies! I joined a book club and even
went to some of the meetings! I started a photography club at work (pre-COVID) and started a book trading group with a friend in an effort to let go of some of my possessions. I also started an accountability group with a friend but again…COVID foiled our plans.

♥ I went snowshoeing, also got so lost in Bonshaw that I had to ask 4 grown ups to lead me out..I survived the gruesome shellfish foot injury of the summer of 2020 where I pretty much had my foot amputated (ok…it required a muppets band aid on it but still….I could have died.) I also accepted a marriage proposal from an internet scammer who thought I was a coal miner with 7 children…until I couldn’t give him two to three thousand dollars for foodstuff for his son…heh. Takes all kinds.

All in all, 2020 was not a bad year for me.

And honestly, I am hopeful for 2021.
I’m going into it with big plans, goals and ideas…
world domination blueprints and a weird sense of humor
just like I always do.

Happy New Year…thanks for sticking with me
as long as you have. I am always surprised that
this little scribbling I do in the teeny tiny quiet corner
of the internetsphere gets any readers at all…
so I greatly appreciate you. ♥♥♥

I hope 2020 was not too painful for you
and that 2021 brings you good things…and candy. :)
(mostly cause I think you are nice…
and that you will probably share with me….heh)